A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am in a vortex of obligation.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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