Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
