Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
