If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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