end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
