Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
