You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
