You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
