do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
