my vag is so smooth its legendary
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How's work?
Spinning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
