I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
