I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
