Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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