I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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