im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
