Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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