So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
