Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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