just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry about my life...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
