Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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