I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
