I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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