he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
