i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
