At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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