You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
