I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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