Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize