there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
