he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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