last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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