If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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