do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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