yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
