did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
