will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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