Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he thought i was a dude.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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