So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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