I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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