He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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