Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
