mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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