I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
