She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
