she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
