Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
