But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
