This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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