Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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