my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
