I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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