So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
