Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
