he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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