I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
