woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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