Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize