I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
