He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's blow job season.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize