I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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