New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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