Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
