I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
