Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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