They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
