it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
