Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
