I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
