Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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