I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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