my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
