2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
