All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
