I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
