I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
