Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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