So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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