All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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