Screwed.edu
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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