She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
