I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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