I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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