alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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