is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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