if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
