If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
