I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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