i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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