The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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