I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
