I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
