Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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