I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
