D3 body, D1 cock
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
