I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
