Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
