Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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