I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
