I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize