I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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