Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
