is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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