wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
