Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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