Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize