Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
