I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
