Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
