Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize