i jhust puked up my retainher.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
