Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
